


The Sky Knows

by writelights (orphan_account)



Category: 18th Century CE RPF
Genre: Hanging, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nathan you idiot, Period-Typical Homophobia, Suicide Attempt, oh god where to start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 05:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12029580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/writelights
Summary: The sky didn't cry when they hung him, the sky cried when he lost his will to live.





	The Sky Knows

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a few months ago and the forgot about it, and today I was cleaning out my docs and discovered it once again.

The sky knows what they did. After all, the sky sees everything.

The sky saw them when they were in college, two teenage boys against the world. It saw their first kiss and the way they looked into each other’s eyes as if to ask if it were okay before they did it again. And they did. Again and again and again, until Nathan was on top of Benjamin and hands began to roam.

Then it stopped. Ben pushed Nathan off of him and muttered a sentence, barely audible. But the sky heard it.

“I’m not ready for this yet…” he had said, trailing off and looking away. “I mean, for… you know. More than this”

Nathan had nodded. “I can go.” He tried to stand up, but Ben pulled him back.

“No, love. You can stay, I want you to stay. I love the feeling of your lips on mine, and God knows there’s a hell of a lot more places I want those beautiful lips to touch. I love your hands, the way they trace little patterns on my thighs and how they gently caress my back and chest, skirting lower and lower and  _ lower.  _ But I’m just not quite ready to give up my chance at Heaven. I’m not ready to sentence myself to eternal damnation, no matter how much I want to make love to you. And I do, I really do. I… I want to let you have me, and I want to have you. But I’m just not ready yet.” He looked Nathan in the eyes, those big, beautiful blue eyes he had fallen for last September. “Know that when I am, you’ll be the first person I come to.”

And then he pressed his lips to Nathan’s once again, but this time it did not escalate.

He decided he was ready the February of their sophomore year at Yale. The two had been sitting on Nathan’s bed studying together one night while Enoch was out when Ben kissed him. Not soft like their kisses usually were, hard and full of passion. When they broke apart Nathan looked at him, bewildered.

“Damon?” he whispered, only to be cut off by Ben’s mouth against his own yet again. Their bodies molded together, fitting like two pieces of a child’s jigsaw puzzle, but Nathan was being careful not to cross the line. That is until Ben took his hand and placed it between his legs, on the desire that had hardened against Nathan’s thigh.

And they made love.

Normally, when a couple first sleeps together, it is a time of passion, but for them it was a time of fear. Fear of being caught, fear of the fires that awaited them in Hell. They were completely silent. Neither moaned or spoke or anything, they were too scared to. After all, this was sodomy, a sin punishable by death.

Then it was over. They had made love and survived, but maybe this was just luck. Maybe next time they would be caught and hung, but this time they did it. They had kissed and held the other in their arms and did other, unspeakable things.

They did it again two weeks later, letting go a bit more this time. But only a bit. They were still terrified, still scared to make a sound. But they were more comfortable with the way their bodies fit together and the pleasure that coursed through their veins.

When the war started, Nathan hadn’t wanted Ben to go. But Ben was stubborn, and soon Nathan followed. They spent every waking moment together. Chaste kisses in the woods and stolen moments in their tent, kisses liberally placed on each and every part of their bodies.

They were now used to making love, the fear pushed to the back of their minds whenever they did it. But oh, the sky had fear enough for the both of them. It didn’t want them to get caught, for them to suffer the same fate as the couple from Britain had three years ago. In a way, the sky was attached to these two young lovers. After all, it had always been a fan of doomed romance.

It saw them on the night before Nathan left on that damned mission. The way Ben had pleaded with him not to go, the way the made love like they’d never see each other again. How they had pressed their bodies together, not caring if anyone saw because if someone saw they would at least die together.

Nathan was not a good spy. His wig was much too small, his faked accent was terrible. And of course there was the powder scar that blemished his normally pale forehead. It was an injury common of a soldier, not of a Dutch schoolteacher. And this is why you couldn’t be a soldier and a spy. You could be one or the other or neither, but never both.

The sky had known he was going to die by hanging ever since he was a child. He was marked by the Heavens, by the angels. Who knew that a tiny mole on the side of your neck could determine everything? But it had thought he’d be hanged for sodomy, especially after he met Tallmadge. Espionage and treason just didn’t seem like his thing.

He proved himself to be an even worse spy when he poured his heart out to the one and only Robert Rogers, a well known loyalist. The sky really did not know what had possessed him to just give himself away like that. Maybe he was lonely, maybe it was the weather. Or maybe it was the color of his hair - a striking blonde, if you were wondering.

He was much too pretty to have a rope around his neck. But the redcoats didn’t seem to care, as the hung him anyway. He penned exactly three letters beforehand, none of which got delivered.

One to Enoch, his beloved brother. It detailed how sorry he was, and other basic things. You know, the normal death apologies.

The sky did not catch who the other two were too, but it liked to believe that one was to none other than Benjamin Tallmadge. It liked to believe that there were details about how much Hale loved him, about how he wished he could have returned to him and kissed his beautiful lips once more. But the sky knew this was merely a fantasy, and therefore did not indulge in it often.

They left his body to hang. Three days, three nights, until a slave boy had the heart to cut it down. They had spat on him, thrown rocks at him. His physical form was rotting in the gallows while his spiritual form was rotting in Hell. They buried him bare, in an unmarked grave. Years later, Ben would be angry that he’d never been able to visit it.

Speaking of Ben, it was a Thursday afternoon when he found out. He screamed, loud and filled with agony. He cried, quiet and mournful. But most of all he was silent, going through his daily duties without thinking. He was empty without Nathan, and the sky knew it. He didn’t eat for days, all he did was avoid conversation and cry. When the other soldiers began to worry about dehydration, they made him drink. He did so only when they made him though. He tried to tell himself that he was emotionless, and when that didn’t work he decided he wanted to die.

He pressed a gun to his head without thinking. He pulled the trigger without thinking.

It was the lack of thinking that saved him, because when he pulled the trigger nothing happened. He hadn’t loaded the gun, and with this realization he collapsed on the ground and screamed and cried and yelled until he was hoarse. With the little remaining strength he had, he managed to pull himself back to his - no, their - tent and and fell asleep.

The sky had not cried when they hung Nathan Hale, but it did when Benjamin Tallmadge decided he no longer wanted to live.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I can't write happy things  
> Don't worry I'm crying too


End file.
